“Who’s the bigger liars, men or women? … Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies.”- Chris Rock
Everyone lies. No…fuck you. Everyone fucking lies. The magnitude and quantity of those lies separate a normal, everyday liar and being pathological about it. The difference between the lies that woman and men tell are insane! Men…do it all the time. Woman, wait for the opportune moment. But the reasons why is something amazing.
I am a guy, so I know the kind of lies I have told in my time. I also will be taking quotes from the October 2006 edition of Cosmopolitan from the article “How Sneaky Woman Get Their Way With Men.”
Man lie:“If we have sex tonight I will call you tomorrow.” You know he won’t. But if he tells you that, and you sleep with him, then you are a victim who was manipulated by a player instead of being easy and giving it up too fast. As long as you can tell your friends you got played and you are not responsible for the decision of spreading your fucking pair of legs, you are set.
Woman lie: “I was backing out of a parking spot and I accidental dinged the car behind me. The parking attendant that saw it said he wouldn’t say anything- if I gave him my phone number for a date. I laughed, gave it to him and drove off. Of course, it was a completely fake name and number.” When that attendant tracks her down by her license plate number and hacks off her head, I won’t feel bad for her at all. What a cunt, not only did she cause damage to another vehicle, but she lied to someone risking his job to help her. (Note: Woman lie…”I am a good driver.” Doctors have proven that its not physically possible)
Man lie:“I am __ inches long.” Nope. Always take an inch or two off there. This spurs on a pack of lies like, it’s not the size of the boat, its the motion in the ocean…and all that fucking shit. Does it matter? Is it a big lie? Whats that patting in your bra for?
Woman lie:Getting dinners and drinks- “There was a trendy restaurant I wanted to try but couldn’t afford. When someone from work asked me out I suggested we go there even though I had no interest in him at all. He took me, he paid. When he asked me out again, I told him it wasn’t a good idea to date co workers.” - Is free food a drinks worth getting someones hopes up? Is rejecting them later worth a few Captain and Cokes or a fucking salad? The value that woman place on free food compared to someones emotions is staggering!
Man lie:“I make $XXX,000 per year”- No he doesn’t. I will tell you this right now…Take that number and divide it by 2. Yeah, we are trying to impress you. If we get to know you better we will try and pass off the things we can’t afford as us being cheap. Truth be told, it’s women’s fault men lie about this stuff because, you say you are looking for stability when it reality…you are just materialistic.
Woman lie:Convincing him to propose- “I faked a pregnancy scare by skipping the placebos in my birth control pack and going strait to the next month so I would skip my period. It ended up prompting all these deep talks about our future. By the time I ‘got my period’ he said he still wanted to get married anyway.”- Are you fucking kidding me? That’s as deep of a dark hole as one can venture into. One could say that its a necessary measure to get a guy who won’t propose to do so, but why not just ruffie him and take him to Vegas?
The bottom line is that men will lie to make you think we are giving you what you want. Woman lie…to get what they want. So…why do both sexes lie? Because of the shit a women wants. We lie so you think you are getting it, and you lie to get it.
The difference though is the limits that women will go to. As Chris Rock said, “A man will lie and say he was at Joe’s when he was at the club. A woman will say, ‘It’s your baby.’” In the end, if you look at the examples above, than man’s lie have no great impact on life or happiness. The woman’s lies…are life changers. And you do it so fucking well.
I am convinced there is a deep dark place woman can go to pull out their lies and go to the grave with them. Not us guys though. We get caught, and the real reason you forgive us…is because of the shit you have lied to us about and gotten away with.
Whats the biggest lie you have told?
or
Whats the biggest lie you have been told?
You can find Super Jabs on Myspace HERE
Tags: Chris Rock, liesLike this post? Buy me a beer.
Yeah i’ve told a few small lies in my time (o.k they were pretty big) but i’ve been on the end of some whopping lies so i’m about even.
Sorry no beer mate if i wasn’t haven’t such bad luck on pokerstars i might consider it.
Have a good weekend.
Um … yes, everyone lies.
I can’t really think of any “big” lies that I’ve told.
According to your theory, I must have at least one. But, I can’t think of any.)
As a Mom, I sometimes lie to spare my child’s feelings.
The lie: “Timmy the turtle wasn’t happy living with us, he would rather be with his family.”
The truth: “You won’t even touch the damn turtle in spite of the money we spent getting it a “home”, it stinks, and it’s a pain in the ass for us to take care of! For god’s sake, the fucking thing tries to peck it’s way out of the aquarium!”
That’s my 2 cents.
BTW … what happened to getting emails when you post here?
Do we need to sign up again … or?
IMO women lie to spare feelings vs men lie to cover/save their ass. E.g. Oohhh you’re the best/biggest ever vs. I don’t know how those panties (that aren’t yours) got in my car.
I don’t buy men beers…but add a link to buy you a razor to shave your stache and I’ll consider it worthy..
P
yes. yes. yes.
now get off the damn computer!
FIRST !!
I think that the older I get, the more honest I get. It’s just because I don’t give a shit.
CHECK IT OUT! LAURIE IS PRETY MOTHER FUCKEN HOT! WOOOOOOWEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! YEAH BABY YEAH!
Um, thank you?
Perhaps I am so inadequate in the love department because I refuse to lie and don’t put up with lies. If a guy doesn’t call, they don’t get to be with me again. Ever. I refuse to call a guy. I even had a guy think I was mad at him because I didn’t chase him down after he didn’t call after our date. Nope. Not mad. Smart.
The truth always comes out. Why bother? My sister lies and exaggerates when she isn’t lying and I refuse to be like that. I can’t have kids so I have literally never had a pregancy scare and find women who do that to manipulate men are beneath contempt.
I don’t need padding in my bra, and if you want to call me a liar for wearing heels, have at it.
Oh, wait, I do wear under eye concealer when my eyes are puffy. I do cover my mousy dark blonde hair with color. My, I AM trecherous. Never mind.
Man lie:“I am __ inches long.” Nope. Always take an inch or two off there. This spurs on a pack of lies like, it’s not the size of the boat, its the motion in the ocean…and all that fucking shit. Does it matter? Is it a big lie? Whats that patting in your bra for?
I wish you hadn’t put this out there like that, after bragging about your “full 2 inches.” Now I am really let down. I have to go pout about my disappointment.
yeah this is dead on seriously
like me trying to get rid of my ex and her saying shes pregnant and that if i leave her shes gonna keep it and im like what the fuck im 17 i cant afford a kid, top of that was homeless then…great fucken stuff. was fucken flippin out but figured out the truth when i wanted to fuck and she didnt want cause it was that time of the month so i put two and two together and figured out the whole scam
and then one o my best buds started always being at her place every time id call hes was tehre, but they were always doing something like working on something on the computer or >
when i herd another one of my friendds talk about her clit being peirced i figured out the fucker was bonning her since i had never told anybody…plus i asked the guy who told me, where he herd that from, and he confirmed it was from him…
not being able to unleash my anger on the bitch because you cant hit women - you just cant do that man - that bloke wouldnt be spared
had to beat him…then he tried to run me over with his car….then he went to cry to the police and told em i was fucken nuts , that i wanted to kill him, and that he was scared of me…when hes the one who tried to run me over with a car…wtf
anyways
WHAT A BITCH!
You do sound a little fucking nuts…
But I guess your ex sounds a tad more nuts…
hahaha thanks alot baby, being > is better than being boring…
“Woman lie:Convincing him to propose- “I faked a pregnancy scare by skipping the placebos in my birth control pack and going strait to the next month so I would skip my period. It ended up prompting all these deep talks about our future. By the time I ‘got my period’ he said he still wanted to get married anyway.”- Are you fucking kidding me? That’s as deep of a dark hole as one can venture into. One could say that its a necessary measure to get a guy who won’t propose to do so, but why not just ruffie him and take him to Vegas?”
——————————-
Jabs, I agree with you whole-heartedly here….ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME????? GUYS LISTEN UP!!! If your girl tricks you into marrying her by the whole pregnancy bit, she’s a fucking psycho bitch that needs to be at the funny farm, or back on the fucking street corner!!! What a fucking bitch! And, moreover, she can absolutely NEVER be trusted…if she’ll fucking lie about that, run for the fucking hills and leave that bitch in the dust!
that’s crazy about the whole faking a pregnancy scare just to get married. i mean, i had one recently, and i don’t want to go through that again. plus if she lies about that and you give in, what else is she going to lie about in the marriage? and by believing her lies you’re giving her more power.
I lie when I say I have a headache…
sexe was medically proven to remove headaches anyways..i wouldnt buy into that bullshit excuse. ITS MEDIcALLY P{ROVEN! hahaha
so turn around so i can slap that booty!
I have to say… Yes, most women lie and are psychotic. …I guess I’m playing the devils advocate here, but not all women are like the women depicted above… and neither are all men. Some men will tell you they’re at Joe’s house when they’re actually over at your best friend’s house, boning her in the ass.
Some women will tell you she weighs 120 when she really weighs 140…
It all depends on the person. Men and women are just as manipulative with their lies… And I would hardly say that Cosmopolitan is a worthy source of information on ANY insight into womens minds. That magazine is run by shallow minded females who thrive off of a combination of shoes, botox, and the latest and greatest diet trend.
Humans are liars. Some are pathological. Some are white liars. It’s up to you to distinguish between the two.
Well that was a good one, and u are totally right when u say a woman will go to the grave with her lies! HEeheheheeh
Yes, every one lies. And will do anything in their power to get what they want. Isn’t this a re-post?
Hell yea we all lie…..i don’t think every woman goes to that extreme but, i do believe that we all play games and lie to make our self look better to the oppisite sex……..biggestlie i ever told was telling my ex-husband i loved him when i didn’t………..i knew the marriage was over and i let him think i was trying to work it out when i wasn’t……oh well…..maybe we can both be happy now……
sha’
Men get caught in their lies b/c they don’t think them through. When a woman lies is calculating, deliberate, rehearsed.
I wouldn’t say I lie to get what I want more than I lie to save someones feelings.
Biggest lie I’ve been told, well…hehe…To a friend of mine “Are you fucking my boyfriend?” “No.” Yep…stabbed in the back by a woman I trusted…ouch.
Biggest lie told: I was broken up and had a Ross and Rachel moment. I had a little fling in the one month we were on “break”. When we got back together he asked if I had slept with anyone. I said no…BUT WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!! He found out from another one of my girlfriends I had…who needs enemies when you can have some of my friends, shit.
Girls are scandalous.
I told my friend to call my job and pretend to be my brother and say I was in the hospital 1.) because they made me come in two weeks before and i was puking everywhere and my boss didn’t care aand 2.) because I was too wasted to go….
Just for the record, I was at the Chris Rock Show when HBO taped it. Got lost in DC too before AND after.
Male or Female, we all lie at some point.
I will lie right now: I am the naked lady in that Bullz Eye ad up there ^^ Ya Right! I am also going to lead you to believe i am 22 and 125 pounds too! I am actually a 6 pound gray furry kitty cat! Meow!
Yet again baby you got it so right. We do the life changing lies.
I had the shits with my ex and we were fighting full bore and i told him has he ever wondered why our oldest looks just like his best mate!!!!!
We have a photo of the 2 together and it is identical, not that he is her dad but just wanted to put it out there.
Why!!!!!!!!! How fuckin mean is that.
Women are the biggest life changing liars men just lie to get their dick wet!
love you babe Jen
yeh both men and women lie. i too have done it and heck we all have done it at one time or another, and by the way i enjoy your posts, u rock dude….
Everyone lies.. it is a fact of life.
Thanks for bringing to the attention of the public hehe
-H
You’re goddamn dead-right about this whole fiasco, in general. Everyone really lies for the same reasons : to get what they want or to cover their asses. For most men, it’s an orgasm (with a girl, preferably). For most women, it’s an orgasm. Men and women aren’t different, it’s social imprinting to think that. If a woman lies and manipulates, she’s no less a coward than a man who does the same thing.
But more importantly, where the FUCK is your editor? “a women”? “patting” in a bra? If you don’t have an editor, I will gladly offer you my perfect diction and grammatical skills for free. Misspelled words are inexcusable.
Am I lying?
Love is the biggest lie there is. In fact, romance doesn’t exist. It’s all chemisty. So when either a man or a woman says “I love you”, it’s a lie. What they really mean is “make me feel good” and as soon as expectation set in, “love” is over because it was a lie in the first place.
balls
my two biggest lies–
“i live for my family”
wtf?! that’s the kind of tripe society needs to hear from women, my tits confine me to being morally responsible!(?) i love my kids, i’d DIE for my kids, but i live WITH nmy kids, not FOR them, go ahead and hate me now, you’re programmed to do so.
2: “sure honey, I had one too.”
whatever, sometimes i’m too tired to care.
=)
thanks for letting me out myself.
Ok, you’re right, women do lie sometimes. I know I have….
Guy: ooooh baby, you like my cock?
Me: Yeah..baby…I love it.
What I’m actually thinking….
(are you kidding me? that’s it? What am I suppose to do with this little thing!)
or
Guy: How many times did Imake you cum tonight?
Me: ummmm, I dunno, I lost count!
What I’m actually thinking….
(Isn’t it time for you to leave yet? I need to get my vibrator out and finish the job you started!)
So very TRUE. The examples are SORT of off the wall but I DO see the POINT!
Everyone DOES lie!
I women do not lie about everything. We only lie to a special person if we think it will spare thier feelings. I on the other hand think its all a bunch of crap and don’t really give a shit.
I was so drunk when i posted that crap….dont listen to me
where in the H E double L are you? Your myspace vanished and you’re not posting on here either…you are missed!!
D
I’m looking for your blog and I can’t find it. What happened to your myspace blog?
Both gender are good liars. Only the style, methodology and architecture is different. I only lie a little bittie-bittie lie
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we have 2 lie b/c if u tell them the truth girls get all messed up my gf think she had balls but i tell any kine an now i own her so have 2 lie if u like get pussy