I had to write this blog. Between Digg.com and TheSuperJabs.com, there were over 800 comments to Part I of this blog. Some called me an asshole. Some agreed whole-heartedly. Pour yourself a glass of wine, sit back, and let me continue on.
I don’t believe marriage is an equal opportunity institution because men are at the whim of the women they marry if their wives decide they want to get divorced . I do believe women are given the upperhand. Not ALL the time - but most of the time. It shows you what a good lawyer and a chip on the shoulder can accomplish. I am not promoting this, but it exists…. sadly.
Yes - there is another side to this story. Marriage can be a very good thing. It’s well known that in long term marriages, when one spouse dies - the other follows shortly after within a three year period, and seemingly moreso within the first year. Do I think that is sweet and wish my life to play out the same way? Hell yes I do. But I’m also a realist. At 32 years old, I’ve seen marriages end in the first year and marriages end after 30 years. Sadly, I see it more today than ever. It makes me think and I’m sharing my thoughts here.
Last blog, I introduced you to Steve, Barry, and Nancy, all of whom got fucked over by either divorce or the insane reactions to that bullshit feeling referred to as love. Steve is a good friend of mine, and though I stated he would never win husband of the year award, I had the privilege of reading the affidavit his ex-wife-to-be filed with her divorce suit. I was privy to many intimate details of their marriage, and sat with him at 2am on weekends in the parking lot of bars he had followed her to after finding out she was cheating on him and bringing the guy home to the house he had scrimped and saved for years to finally purchase. The affidavit that was filed was filled with lie after lie about Steve’s relationship to her. She never took responsibility for her infidelities, and went so far as to lie about Steve being the unfaithful one. It made my blood boil - so much so that his attorney took my sworn statement in the case as part of Steve’s defense.
Steve is not alone.
SITUATION 4:
Dave is 50 years old. Dave worked for an investment firm that made a killing on the sale of bonds after rates fell post 9/11. He decided to build his dream house, about 150 yards from the water, on the North Shore of Long Island. Dave has 3 kids who range in age from 14 to 23. The oldest actually got married recently and is an officer in the Navy deployed to sea. Dave’s wife left him during the homebuilding process, even though he had just bought her a brand new Cadillac Escalade. Lucky him. She sued for alimony and child support. The lawyers got involved and ate up all of the money that was supposed to go towards building his waterfront dream home. His greedy wife didn’t really give a fuck though - because this was about HER. She didn’t care that the only people making out on the deal were the lawyers. She milked her husband for all he was worth in the course of the 3 year court battle.
But here’s the kicker: Dave’s exwife went to court this year, two years after the finalization of the divorce - and somehow, through the aid of her attorney again, got the court to agree to an increase in child support. Now one of Dave’s children got MARRIED last year so he shouldn’t be paying for him at all, but instead, the court agreed to the increase and he has now gone in to debt over $35,000 because of his exwife’s greed.
Does she care? NO. She watches Desperate Housewives routinely and has her “sense of entitlement” going for her. She feels completely validated in her mode of operation.
CONCLUSION: DAVE GOT ROYALLY FUCKED OUT OF EVERYTHING A MAN DREAMS HE CAN ATTAIN BY HIS 50TH BIRTHDAY.
Dave lives now in a one bedroom condo. All he wishes is he had $10,000 to his name so he could buy a used Harley Davidson Road King and get the fuck out of here.
SITUATION 5:
Here’s a short one. Larry lived modestly with his wife for 25 years. The kids move out two years ago and went off to college. His 3 bedroom in house appreciated nicely and left him with about $200,000 in equity. But then his wife decided that the kids are gone - time to move on. She was never really happy anyway. She stayed for the kids. She filed for divorce. She moved in to a 900 square foot apartment that coincidentally is about 150 yards from the water - a few miles down the road from where Dave’s house was supposed to be built. She really likes the place though, so much so that she’s paying $1600 a month for it. Location, location, location. She deserves it, right? Larry doesn’t pay her monthly, but now he rents a house too because he couldn’t afford to buy her out. Another guy, fifty years old - who sulks in his own misery. His wife rejected him completely. His health has gone down the drain. I don’t expect him to live too much longer - that’s how bad it is. Everything he worked for, and the woman he loved - just decided to up and leave one day. What recourse does he have? None.
CONCLUSION: LARRY GOT FUCKED.
SITUATION 6:
Bill is a West Point graduate. For those who do not know, West Point is one of the most prestigious schools in this country, and the leading undergraduate program that trains young men and women to become officers in the US Army. The only school that really kicks it’s ass repeatedly is The United States Naval Academy in Annapolis, MD (BEAT ARMY!) - but that’s another blog altogether. Bill has three kids. Bill, though again not husband of the year - could win father of the year because he’ll do anything for his kids. He coaches his son’s football and lacrosse teams, and he spends a tremendous amount of time with them. Unfortunately, Bill got divorced a few years ago - and it was not a good divorce, but he and his ex are amicable. He’s gone through some problems with income. Luckily, he had left the military, worked on Wall Street, made some good money and had a beautiful home on the water. It appreciated in value tremendously and when he sold it for the divorce, his wife was able to take her share and buy a more modest house without even taking a mortgage. Bill also had a 40 foot boat that had depreciated in value too much to sell - but he still owed a great deal of money on it. So he took his stuff and moved on to it. He lives on a 40 foot Sea Ray. He’s 6′2″. It might sound like fun the first night…. but it gets old quick.
Well these are side stories. The real story came recently when Bill met another woman. She was about 10 years younger than him. They fooled around and guess what? She got pregnant. She also decided, right around the same time as getting pregnant, that she didn’t want Bill in her life. BUT- she did want the baby. And Bill was going to pay for it. Bill had a son about a year ago. Bill has NEVER met this son. The woman went to court, filed a restraining order against him, and filed a paternity suit as well. Bill has to pay her more than he pays for his other three kids. It’s almost $2000 a month… for a kid he has never even met and can’t even see. Bill has shared with me some of the “voicemails” his exgirlfriend has left for him. He plays these for me from his cell phone. He doesn’t even put it on speakerphone and I can hear her screaming from across a table. “YOU MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT ASSHOLE” is a common phrase. His relationship with her in which she got pregnant and decided without his help that she would keep the baby and he would pay for it…. well it was 10 weeks long. The first trimester of her evil pregnancy was longer.
But Bill will pay for it the next 18 years. Talk about a whore - Bill and I did the math and we equated it to about $17,000 for each time she had sex with him - and $5,000 each for the blowjobs.
CONCLUSION: BILL GOT FUCKED
Now that story really has nothing to with why marriage sucks, but it leads me to my last situation. This guy, in my book, has gotten fucked over more than anyone else.
SITUATION 7:
Bob is a good looking guy with a good head on his shoulders. He has three kids ranging ages 6 to 12 and has been married for 13 years. He is still married. There has been no courts, lawyers, arbitration, or moderators. Just lots and lots of marriage counseling. What was the common problem that kept him and his wife going back to marriage counseling? There were a lot of issues, but one predominant one was the lack of sexual chemistry. Bob would like to have sex three or four times a week. Bob’s wife is more of a once a month type gal. She’s not real keen on sex when she’s not in the mood. Bob has resolved to masturbating as much as when he was in high school. It has created resentment - so he tries every now and then to compensate by asking his wife for blowjobs, hoping that the two minutes of ecstasy will be a task she might not mind. Well talk about rejection, Bob can’t even get head. He did get head back in the day - we’ll call it the “period of courtship”. Yup. While his wife was wooing him, blowjobs were frequent. But since they’ve been married, it’s been a battle. Sex 12 times a year and maybe a blowjob on his birthday. Finally, in frustration, Bob started to beg for a little attention. His wife politely rejected him for months on end until she finally got sick of being asked. Her response was:
“WE’VE BEEN MARRIED FOR TEN YEARS AND I DON’T LIKE SUCKING YOUR DICK. STOP ASKING, IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. GET OVER IT.”
Well Bob was heartbroken. He didn’t even know what to say at first - but he loves his wife and she supposedly loves him and he would never want to make her do something she hates to do. So he asked the only logical question:
“Hun, since you don’t want to do that for me ever again, is it OK if I get blowjobs from someone else?”
Now he was open and honest when he asked this question sincerely from his heart. He truly felt that if she loved him, but hated giving head, she would never deny him the pleasure of oral sex again in his life by having someone else who might not hate it do it for him. Well his wife flipped.
“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? YOU WOULD LET SOMEONE ELSE SUCK YOUR DICK. FUCK YOU BOB. FUCK YOU. YOU WANT A BLOWJOB THAT BAD, YOU CAN DIVORCE ME AND GET ALL THE BLOWJOBS YOU WANT.”
She stood her ground, showing that Bob has two options. He can get divorced and pay his wife, probably move out of the house and back in with his parents since he can’t afford a place on his own, and possibly find some type of sexually gratifying relationship….. OR he can continue to live by his wife’s rules of sacrifice and be miserable and sexually frustrated the rest of his life. This is a tough one, and although it’s not always sex, you can replace that for money, decision-making abilities, etc….. and come to the following:
CONCLUSION: BOB NEEDS TO GET FUCKED.
I mentioned at the end of Part I that maybe we need to apply the Golden Rule when treating others in relationships. I still think this holds true. For those of you that aren’t familiar, the Golden Rule is derived from the New Testament and states “Do unto others as you would like to be treated yourself”. It takes in to consideration that most people are not masochists. I brought up a Gene Simmons/Shannon Tweed type relationship for the simple reason that I think marriage presents stigmas to the participants. I realize the common-law marriage exists, but I think there is some benefit to not taking on the “ownership” of another person that some people seem to feel marriage entitles them to. Yeah, I’m referring to the overly possessive out there.
I realize pre-nups are some type of defense to this, but supposedly a good lawyer can shoot holes through even the best pre-nuptial agreement. Though it is a line of defense, I think there has got to be something else that can be done. My argument is, to reiterate again, that women have too much power within the court system that divorce benefits them all too much a majority of the time. A woman can decide to get a divorce 1 month in to a relationship or 30 years in to a relationship and there is little or no repercussion. They can cite infidelity or irreconciable differences, but that’s a moot point really. The problem is the power is in their hands and the benefit is in their hands. There is no accountability on their part. I think that if a woman wants to divorce a man, and the man contests the divorce because it was a one-side decision and essentially a breach of contract - then the man should not have to pay out the ass. That’s my attempt at starting to find a solution to this problem.
My goal is not to leave a lot of old maids out there. My goal is to fix a problem with the system that has inherently left men….. as this blog has made clear….. FUCKED!
Do you agree? What sensible solutions can you offer to this problem?
Like this post? Buy me a beer.
Even though I don’t know Bob well for obvious reasons I have been keeping track of Bob’s relationship for some time now. What he did was justifiable in my eyes and this is the sort of relationship I see when I look at my parents. I don’t believe counselling really helps, which is quite evident. Answering questions with questions gets people nowhere. I hope this gets worked out soon.
Brilliant as always. At 19 this only fuels my intent not to get married. Or have kids. At least I know I’m not the only one.
Counseling can help if both people are willing to change and both want their spouse to be happy. Too often though, it’s one person trying to change another. That shit never works.
OK, I have been married twice. The first time, I was pregnant. The second, and current, because I am madly in love. If for some reason I find myself out in the world again, you can bet your saggy sac that the third time will be for money, and he will NOT be getting any blow jobs (from me).
There are no sensible solutions, not for men anyway.
If you marry for money next, why not give head too? Though I do like the (from me) part. That means you don’t care if someone else gives him head.
I loved the first part of this, and the second part was great too Rob! I definitely agree with you though, but I can’t think of a quick solution to it though.
All situations in part one and two royally suck, and sadly this happens way too often. I guess most relationships lose their spark after a certain amount of years, but I can’t see myself taking someone, especially someone I claimed to “love” for X amount of years for everything they’ve got.
I believe everyone deserves to be happy, but it sucks that some people stay in relationships and put up with things they shouldn’t just to keep from the months in court, custody battles, and putting a price on their marriage basically. I have quite a few married friends, some of which I KNOW aren’t happy, yet they stay because they know they’ll lose everything they have if they don’t.
I’m almost 21 years old, and I’ve seen so many marriages fail that I’m almost totally against ever getting married. Relationships are so stressful, which is the number one reason as to why I stay single.
Like you mentioned, it’sthe golden rule…don’t treat someone how you wouldn’t want to be treated. It’s that simple, but too many people are more concerned with theirselves and what they can get to care about anyone else. Pretty sad I think.
Awesome job once again Rob! Have an awesome day!
im a single mom and i am not looking to getting married in the near future..and you are right..it gives women too much power in the courts..i wonder why..heheh..no i dont..i just pity those men who got fucked over pretty bad..
Situation #8: Ivonne has been married for 6 years. Ivonne and her husband have a 6-month old son. Ivonne’s husband decides he doesn’t love her anymore and begins fucking his co-worker. Ivonne tries to forgive him and save the marriage, but he wants a divorce. Ivonne and her husband divorce. Ivonne gets the majority of physical custody of their son, but since Ivonne makes more money, husband pays little in child support. In fact, the amount he pays is not even enough to cover 2 weeks of day care a month.
Who got fucked?
No one.
Ivonne makes more money and is not left in a lurch. He still pays support, so Ivonne is compensated for the expense of raising her young.
Only in America do women feel that they need to be financially re-imbursed for a bad relationship. The problem is that family court seems to agree with that ’sour-grapes’ feeling.
I never asked to be reimbursed for a bad relationship. My state has no fault divorce, and that’s fine. All I’m saying is that in the end, he came out ahead, so it’s not ALWAYS the man who gets fucked.
I am/was almost in the same situation. I was with a man that even though went to a very prestigious school (Rice University) he waited to find a job until after the court ordered child support. I get minimum wage child support (someone who gets paid $5.15/hr) from him. That decision meant- the cost for him to pay child support would not cover even half of the daycare not to mention insurance or any other regular costs it takes to raise a child. He knew what he was doing. I have come to realize through experience, no monetary value can replace him as a father, so even though I feel I got fucked I make it about my daughter! I am with Ivonne, not every woman is out to fuck the man who fucked her!! Sometimes it is just better to let karma to get them!
I’m not suggesting that every woman is out to fuck her ex. Only that in the scenario that she painted above sounds fairly equitable, other than the fact that Ivone was let down and disappointed by someone that she (presumably) had faith in. Based on what Ivonne wrote, no one got fucked. In fact she got the majority of physical custody, so I’d say that Ivonne won!
Question about the Rice University grad: Support may be re-visited when there is a substantial change in circumstances, correct? For someone so well educated, putting off starting a career in order to get a temporary break in responsibility payments seems a little juvinile, doesn’t it?
I’ve lived w/the same man for 8 1/2 yrs. We have two sons together. We, will NOT be getting married. I have lots of reasons, some of which you wrote about. Great blog.
I love testimonials.
Question for you…I ask because I am 25 and trying to decipher the pros and cons of getting married and staying single when I am 45 and older.
Why be with someone you think is not worthy of marrying ever, but have children with them? (Please realize this is a VERY NON-judgemental question)Just a question that peaks my curiousity as I am trying to figure out what makes people make their decisions.
Situation #6…Bill fucked himself with the girlfriend and new baby. He knew what women are capable of from his ex-wife and still got a girl pregnant. It takes two to make a baby. That being said, it is his responsibility to take care of his child but I do think he should be able to see the child. But if he really wanted to see the child, why hasn’t he done something about it? Here’s a thought for you…if the shoes were on the other foot and the men could take money from the women after a divorce, don’t you think they would do the same thing????
I have never understood how women can totally take advantage and take a guy for everything hes worth. I do think that whoever has the kids should get financial help from the other person if it’s a reasonable amount. I don’t know how i feel about marriage besides the fact that they all seem to end at some point.
Of course since you are a man you don’t tell the stories about the 40 something year old men who decide after 15+ years of marriage that they want to trade their older wives in for a younger model. Marriages fail and rarely is one party ever to blame. I have been separated since July and I have not asked my ex for anything. Two of the kids live with me and one lives with him. I accepted the amount he offered in child support. As of now we have not done anything legal - although we will be filing for divorce in July (have to wait a year). I have no intentions on making anything difficult for him. I just want us both to be able to get on with our lives away from each other.
Sometimes I wonder how it gets to be that bad in a marriage. Of course, I wonder because I’ve never been married. I’ve seen too many people fall in love, then a couple years after they get married, they want to end things. Weird. Then, to be in a marriage where the wife doesn’t want to have sex with her husband (situation 7). It makes you wonder what was going through that woman’s head. Was it something her husband did? Or is it just resentment from having to be a mom and wife? Very interesting blog
.
ok this is cool and all but why r u only making tha women out to b all bad…tha man must not of been arounf enough to c this comin!
ok this is cool and all but why r u only making tha women out to b all bad…tha man must not of been around enough to c this comin!
I agree with everything that you said and I am a woman, divorced but I didn’t end up with anything near what these woman ended up with. At the end of my divorce I got all the mortgaged assets and he got all the cash, that was his decision, not mine. Now 5 years later his cash is gone and my properties are almost paid off. Oh yeah I got full custody of my boys as well because he didn’t want to pay child support. Can I sue, of course, is it worth it? Hell NO!!! He sees my boys once a year because he decided to move out of the country. The solution to the problem is exactly what you said treat others as you want to be treated. Remember you once loved this person, things didn’t work out, move on…what do you gain from treating another human so badly?
Ive always said, cracks appear long before divorce…those feel-good butterflies end quickly when you negotiate bills, charge cards, vacations yada yada suddenly marriage seems more complicated. For the first time you see your husband or wife with new eyes and realise this is the real deal…you suddenly realise this is my [déjà vu] parents life and now its mine…welcome to married life
Now grab a cup of coffee and settle in…eternitys a long long time.
wow! some interesting marriage stories. its so sad how the woman took all from the man. seems so unfair. it would be so much better of both people can leave in peace and come up with a good compromise, but that doesn’t always happen. that’s life. people are selfish.
something to consider..is it better to be single or married?
single or in a relationship?
My names not Bob, did you change them to protect the innocent?
I feel bad for the guy i marry, cuz thats it, he’s stuck with me for the rest of my days. I’ve been divorced once. Never again!!
Situation #1- Blogs like this scare Jon to death, so Jon keeps his dick in his pants. Jon never takes it out, well only to pee, but otherwise he keeps it in his pants. Child support, alimony and poverty is Jon’s birth control.
hahaha dictator John your comment amuses me greatly…classic. I would advise you to jump into marriage with both feet and enjoy the ride! giggles
THere are some bad stuff that happens. My mom really fucked my dad over for years after their divorce. its been ten years and things are finally civil.. kind of..
BUT!
there are plenty of relationships that do work out. My aunt and uncle met in 7th grade and all three of their kids are graduated from college. One is getting married and they just bought a beautiful new house and are still together.
My room mates parents met in highschool and later got married and they are still in love. they have been married over 30 years and i can still see the way her dad looks at her mom like nothing has changed.
You are right some people get divorced and yes some guys get fucked. I dont think its right what some women do but my mom was cheated on for 2 years with our neighbor. My dad desearved everything my mom did to him for that.
Not all marriages end badly and I am planning on getting married some day but I am going to be careful on who its with.
I sit here listening to Rascle Flatts > My Wish…reading one of the top three most factual so right on accurate blogs ever written on ms./superjabs.com This day of the disposable marraige SUCK! It surely didn’t fit into many mens plans for the comfy house, white picket fenced yard, stationwagon in the drive and 3 kids in the yard playing with the puppy.I’m not overly religious but I wholeheartly beleived in the vows in the eyes of the lord at the alter. It’s like anything worth while,a marriage needs work and nuturing daily just as flower needs daily watering and sun to grow. The blog opens an emotional & finacial deep can of worms for many and my hat goes off to ya for taking it to the masses here and anywhere else. This day were in the lawyers get richer, vows mean nothing, all about (me), pride and spite take presidence over working through issues > just get rid of the issues and all is better….and the children suffer the most. We can only hope they are wiser and are willing to work harder for what I beleive is worth working for.
Oh dear….I grew up in a very sad home situation. My mom was left by our father when my brother and I were little babies..he was fucking her best friend. He is a worthless, idiotic, country-bum, white trash piece of shit. Ahhhh…I feel better now. I watched my mother self destruct over the next 30 years. She married three more times with each marriage ending in pain. One man she married was a child abuser (oh, lucky me) one was a compulsive liar and child abuser (once again, joy) and the last man she married before she died (yes, she is now deceased) was a cross dresser. I honestly cannot comprehend how I even have the mental stability to write this comment-by all accounts I should be in a straight jacket somewhere drooling on myself and counting my ex husbands on my toes…instead I am a 33 year old completely happy married woman who is only crazy once a month or so. I watched my mom literally ruin her life in search of a man to love her….she alienated her family, neglected her children, and in the end died a sad, lonely, sick woman…all alone. I can only assume that deep within my mind I made the decision (during my explosive childhood) to never be unhappy–and to never make the person I love unhappy. I have now been with my husband for 14.7 years. We are the poster child for a happy and healthy relationship–we are a rock. Our friends look to us for constant marital advice and support…we have seen relationships develop and then a year or so later crumble…why are Sean and I so different? Why do we “work” while others fail to? I don’t know…but I do know this: I will never be unhappy. I will never bring a child into this world and make it miserable for my own life to be remarkable. I find that the more I give the more I get-I know, I know-it sounds old fashioned..but it is true.
Are you kidding me about this blog? I read through about half of it and I read your part one awhile back. You are telling stories about stupid men that probably paid no attention to a woman’s character or ethics at the beginning of a relationship, they were probably thinking about what bra size their future wife had and didn’t do a lot of questioning about important issues like loyalty and integrity. You can keep coming up with story after story and continue to bore us with these poor “victims.” It’s so one-sided and leaves far to much of a debate it’s ridiculous. This blog is about as ludicrous as me saying “all men are slaves to porn that cheat on their wives with escorts and spend every waking moment watching sports, they become terrible in the sack after marriage, they beat their wives for not finishing the dishes and end up running off with 19 year old Russian immigrants when they are bored.”
In life people attract their like kind. Ivy league graduates usually don’t shuffle through trailer parks looking for their soul-mate. Intelligent men with honor usually find a woman who stands for the same values. A woman who is confident with herself finds other ways to occupy her time then sabotaging good and meaningful marriages or relationships.
Yes, it’s true. The world is full of vile women and men but to categorize all women like ones mentioned above is absurd. To assume men aren’t interested in marriage is equally ignorant.
I shoot wedding photography for a living and these couples are in love. Will it last? Maybe, maybe not but when you are associating with your bitter friends and all your associates seem to be failing miserably in life, you may want to question why you are attracting misery and negatively through your associations. Judging from this blog, you may be attracting your like kind as well.
So my argument is that in divorce, men can the raw deal MOST of the time. I didn’t say all the time. Some women are money hungry bitches that find it necessary to financially destroy the person they supposedly once loved. But the system allows for men to be taken advantage, so much so that I don’t think men should ever get married anymore. What have you offered to disagree with my points?
How about a prenuptial agreement or marry a woman with substance. They do exist you know.
Wow, is that Jabs on the females side? ha, ha good point Jabs exactly what I said in my response!!
Good looking out!!
Holy shit! I can’t believe what I’ve just heard. Kudos Jabs!
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha……yep. You are so funny Rob.
So then, you and Jabs are an item, now? Or……?
Not that there’s anything wrong with that…..
well I spent a few minutes, okay maybe 15 minutes reading some of these comments and yes marriage probably isnt for everyone and its always had issues, nothings original here…we can only hope we marry well…we cant look into the future and pick our ideal anything…if you think about it…our friends disappoint us on every level as well…along with our parents, relatives yada yada theres no way around misery or hardships…embrace your time on earth and if you believe in God you’ll have peace in heaven. Thats the circle of life.
Ok Rob, time for a Reality 101 check…
While all that you have stated is in fact true and happening in this big old world, there are plenty of times that it happens to the woman and she gets FUCKED.
Lemme give you the gist of what is now my life, by HIS actions and not mine…
Sure sex dropped to a huge degree, part of that was due to him being completely inacessable to me (basically his needs, wants and desires meant more than mine did!) so he had an affair (3rd that I knew of, not counting at least 5 online that I know of…she was a mutual friend and married as well, they in fact had sex in her and her Husband’s bed!…we went to counseling but he said he didn’t even want to try…where did this leave me?) I forgave and tried to move on, but since I did not tailor EVERYTHING to his NEEDS, I was deemed throw away merchandise.
He told me he had to have his HAPPINESS, what about mine and our families?
He has since been with 3 other women that I know of and has the present one pregnant again for the second time in 5 months.
He has given me well under the poverty line for support…did I mention I gave up my life to take care of him our home and children,during our 20 year relationship, and then became totally medically disabled 4 years ago?
I even supported him while I worked two jobs and was going to school when he got put in jail from an asinine event from his early teens…but I knew deep down he was a good man, and I chose to support him.
Since the affair, I was kicked out of my own home, I cannot work due to my disabilities and he pays me $500 a month to survive on in California…can’t be done…
Since then he has basically thrown my 14 year old son away as well since his girlfriend’s wants/needs and her children come before our son.
Am I bitter? Sure as hell am! But he should not deny all that I gave up for him and the fact that he needs to be responsible for his son!
My son has now been with me for 2 weeks since his Dad shut the door on their relationship, choosing his g/f and her kids over him…there has been ZERO contact from him to his son….
I am now in a wonderful and HEALTHY relationship, both of us tending to each other and our needs in every way, as well as including my son and his well-being.
I have since filed for custody, child support (none of which has been given to date!) and spousal support that I am well DUE!
So you tell me…who got fucked here?
He sounds like a womanizer - and a selfish dick. I never said those didn’t exist and I’m sorry you got stuck with one. Especially if he left you because of your disability. For better or for worse really only means for better to many, right?
But why let the system reverse roles like that. Let’s just even it out and make it fair to both parties. Give women and men reasons to fight for the relationship instead of just giving up and having the men pay. If a man leaves a woman for his own selfish reasons, he should have to pay. If a woman leaves her man for selfish reasons, usually the man still has to pay. That has got to stop!
there’s no easy solution that I could deliver you in a paragraph.
It is complex for a reason. But I do think that women have too much power, not only in the courts, but in otherwise controlling and manipulating their men. The main solution is for women to subject themselves to leadership and humble themselves to their man.
not holding my breath on that one.
hahahaha Coqueto…submit to your husbands has always been my favorite bible verse and on that note….it also states you should treat your wife like you would treat yourself…men overlook this verse, because they like the submissive part better…well I say get down on your knees and ask for it. hahahaha I want a leader as a husband, but I also want him to be my friend and not my dictator…I cook, clean and keep my weight down, dress like a sex-kitten and he in turns worships the ground I walk on and we bend for each other, because thats the game and we know the rules. I want him around, so I do everything for him cheerfully and yes we fight, because thats what married couples do…I know marriage is give and take and we play fair…he doesnt want to lose me and he treats me like he wants me to treat him, so this works for both of us. I dont get peoples gig about marriage, its a commitment, its not easy to love someone thru all the bullshizzle, but you sift thru it and make it work.
hmmm. As I was reading this I was getting pretty heated thinking of an argument that I could use to come back with. I have instead decided to not necessarily agree with you, but (let’s just say I) see where you are coming from. I am glad that you see this as a problem with the system and not necessarily with woman in general. I would have to say I have been on both sides to this. My ex had his chick completely screw him and I saw what it did to him, the poor guy couldn’t own anything if he wanted too she was always making her next move based on how miserable she could make his life. And I have seen what my girlfriends have done to or had to deal with in their past relationships. It is hard to put a general attitude on these situations. You have to be partially biased if you know these individuals, but we all have to remember is that we can not judge based upon a story that was told to us, we can only make good decisions for ourselves and guide our friends to do the same. Unfortunately, you are right there are evil knifing bitches out there who will do whatever it takes to make a man miserable, but that is not always the case. Bottom line there is no easy fix to this problem. One, you have to know who you are getting involved with (not that, that always helps) and two you have to accept responsibility for all of your actions. Make good choices, and decide to not be vindictive about the outcome of your situation. Know that eventually what goes around comes around we all know that one. Material possessions can never replace what makes you an individual and can never make that person (that is obviously miserable themselves) make better of the situation. It is so sad that we as a society have come to this as a solution to our problems.
Well, you bring up valid points. So really, it seems to me that the only way to prevent any of this is to not get married! Live in sin and just know that your higher power understands why you can’t commit in that manner…I wouldn’t want to get fucked, at least in this way (lol)…so don’t put the ring on the finger, eh?? That makes the most sense to me. If he/she is with you for the right reasons, then he/she will understand why no ring is on the table, and if he/she truly loves you for you, then he/she will do what it takes to make it all work as long as you are giving your half accordingly, without the marriage vows, without all the bullshit!!
Quit focusing on the M word! How about just knowing it is all good, and taking it day by day….unless you are young and haven’t been thru all this, haven’t had kids…etc. If that is the case, then obviously we would have a different set of examples up above, right?? Just my humble opinion…..
This sounds as bitter as Tom Leykis. This bullshit is part of American culture. You will not find things like this very often in other countries. I guess most other countries are also generally poor, so people don’t have as much to lose. I have a solution to your problem - MOVE!!!
i don’t know what to say. i’m engaged. it’s gonna last forever. whoopy doo. the marriage is more for her. i don’t care it’s just a title.