When you have testicles there are certain things in life you can do that should have you stripped of them. Here are some of those things.
-Wear a pink shirt:
When babies are born the only thing used to tell the difference between male and female is blue and pink… That never changes. Stop it.
-Peirce anything:
I see an earing, I think gay. If you aren’t gay, buy a calender… It’s 2007.
-Tan:
“I went hunting and killed me a a couple deer today, what did you do?”
“I went to the tanning salon.”- I rest my case
-Type any of the following: LOL - TTYL - ROFLMAO - TEE HEE. Say any of that shit out loud… I fucking dare you.
-Drink any form of coffee that has more than two syllables in it:
COF-FEE . If you say Non fat carmel macciatio, with light foam, and whipped cream… You deserved to be bitch slapped for putting that much work into ordering anything. Steak.. Beer… Check please.
-Extending your pinky while drinking:
Who the fuck are you… Prince Charles? Last time I checked, your grip doesn’t increase by removing a finger. If you ask me, it’s a glaring advertisement of dick size.
-Singing in the car:
I don’t care if you are singing Master of Puppets by Metallica. From my car, it looks like you are singing a Kelly Clarkson song.
-Frost your tips:
Look around the salon you are in. The only other guy there wants to fuck you.
-Order a fruity drink:
If you are drinking booze then it better be beer, brown, or clear. If it’s red, orange, pink, or God forbid blue… you bite the pillow. There is no booze in there! Girls drink shit like that so they can pretend to be drunk when they let us fuck them. Order a real drink.
-A tattoo on your lower back:
Thats where Wolverine came…
What did I miss?
Do you know guys who do any of this?
Am I wrong about something?
YOU CAN FIND SUPER JABS ON MYSPACE HERE
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A-fucking-men
LMAO I can say that I have tits!:) BALLS!
Guys that order Mich. Ultra need to be on this list.
I second that!!!!!!!!!!
As a bartender, I 3rd this!! HERE, HERE!!
Men who use chapstick…Ewwwwwwww!
I LOVE CHAPSTICK…… wtf???
sorry, it just a turn off for me.
:(
Sometimes you need it like when you came back from a brutal beach outing or skiing and your lips look like croc leather.
Just saying.
Cause you ladies complain about unsoft lips and stuff.
Catch 22.
Go clear, no berry this or that.
Cheers,
CLT
I got to use chapstick when my lips are chapped. I went to Las Vegas and I wasn’t use to the dry weather and I had to use chap stick a lot. There’s nothing wron with that!
Lipgloss maybe, but no chapstick is like saying we can’t use q-tips.
SKORP, My God we are in the presence of greatness here people!!!
you got a point there…still turns me off.
no chance of me gettin skorped..uh?
;p
you can’t use those either.
Uh, I know someone who would sing Metallica in the car…gee, I wonder who.
I didn’t know men get tramp stamps…
Can I add the manbrow wax? Or is that hitting to close to some men?
FAGS ALL FAGS!!!!!!
Dude, I’ve been preaching the pink shirt thing for years. Finally another dude to tell it like it is.
Balls indeed!
This is totally wrong. Real men wear pink, no if ands or buts about it. Some men just look DAMNED good!!!
The only other man I knew who would wear pink and proclaim it to be the new “guy thing” turned out to be reaaaalllly gay, and has been with his boyfriend for seven months.
I think I’ve made my point.
Uhm, from a women’s perspective, NO MAN looks good in pink. Tables full of women are laughing at you at the bar when you walk in in a pink shirt. Just my experience.
HOLLA!!! LOVE IT……..YOU KNOW WHAT~MEN WHO POP THEIR COLLARS,SHOULD BE ADDED TO THE ROSTER…MAKES ME WANT TO BITCH SLAP ‘EM!!
I LIKE! VERY NICE!
BALLS!!!
Oh you are sooo right on this one…Sad thing is, men do these things all the time. Wussfactor!
Yes…Real Women want real men…..Only the fag hags hang around guys that wear pink shirts and sip fruity drinks~
LMAO too funnny Jabs!!!
Hahhaha!!! Any sandals with socks - that right there should definately be added
Ohhhh that is a deal breaker if I have ever heard one.
I like it when guys wear pink…
Ok I got lost there! WHats wrong with Kelly Clarkson?
White guys that act and talk like they are from the hood.
I forgot. Men that clip there phone to their belts. That’s why we have pockets.
Men that have more than one key chain with their keys. There should only be a house key, car key and a work key with ONE key chain. Preferably a bottle opener. Be prepared. If it has a saying on it you should be kicked in the nuts.
OMG—-this is a riot! and soooo true!
I had a ‘first date’ last year. He ordered a ‘love connection’ cocktail at the bar. The bartender didn’t know what it was, and I wanted to crawl into a hole.
Now…I ALWAYS ask the question ‘what do you order at a bar’ prior to a date. To me…it is a good testament of the man.
here is one that bothers me: wearing funny hats, like straw brimmed. anything other than a baseball cap style hat - isn’t a good look on a man.
Pfft. Funny hats can be great. The guy I’m dating… I picked him up one night, and he got in my car with this cowboy hat on. I nearly pissed myself laughing… but we had a good time with it all night. He called me “ma’am” and chewed on toothpicks, did the whole bit. A little fun never hurt anything, as long as you do it all out.
Red Stripe, Killian’s and Guinness are the only things you’ll ever hear me order at a bar. Anything less would be uncivilized.
So you’re saying even cowboy hats are out?
I like a man in a cowboy hat…
Here’s a bit of funny history for you…Pink actually used to be considered a man’s color, up until the…I’m wanting to say 19th century. Up until around then, men wore red shirts…the dyes would fade after repeated washings…turning them PINK.
Of course, that doesn’t make it any more right for a man to wear pink. Ugh.
I just figured I’d throw that tidbit of history out there, for shits and giggles.
In the Caribbean, because the male flowers are pink and the female ones are yellow, the baby boys get pink blankets/clothes and the baby girls get yellow ones. On St. Vincent, they were surprised when I told them it was supposed to be the other way around.
I drink colorful drinks… painkillers, purple motherfuckers, and various variations of (screaming) orgasms. They’ll fuck you up.
I thought that said for shiRts and giggles…
Oh man… great way to start a Friday morning - with ROTFL! I, too, can say that because I have tits! Good one Jabs! Glad you took the time to re-type.
This hit home to a couple of guys I know, and yes I swear they’re all GAY. One other thing guys should never do is talk with their hands!! It screams homo from all the way across the room! Oh and other than the lower back tattoo, no tattoos outlining your bellybutton! I saw a guy the other day with angel wings @ his and I laughed in his face. I can’t wait to see that on a beer gut!!!
haha balls. only thing i’d add is club uniforms. it’s like can they not come up with an original outfit on their own or something?
The whole metrosexual thing…
I think you might have covered them all . . .
Some men can pull off pink. And there’s nothing wrong with a little IM speak (LOL) when appropriate.
But I think a man loses his balls when he orders salad at a restaurant. I want a man who eats more than me.
Guys or guys into men who walk, talk and think like a woman bother me as well. I dont care if your straight or gay, just be a man.
If your beer requires a lime, it’s fruity.
omg! This is so true!!
Holy fuck….this is as perfect as it gets. Well done.
Bite the pillow?? I have a couple gay people in my family and never have I heard something so fucking funny! Dug it, Balls.
LMAO- Tell them like it is Jabs!!
There are a lot of others- like wearing jeans that are 2 sizes too small, driving a VW Beetle, Wearing too much jewelry, and GOd forbit, wearing Makeup (I’m referring to foundation and blush type makeup, not makeup for “Goth” purposes, but that is even questionable), shaving your legs- sorry, I’m a woman, I like a man that actually has hair on his bod- nothing says MAN, more than hair!! LOL
Yeah that is a good one. I dated a guy who drove a VW Rabbit. That really should have been my first red flag.
Or a mini cooper (total chick car)
LMAO in Mexico City almost every college guy has a mini cooper
Totally down with the list. I second the popped-collar thing and any guy who wears “skinny jeans.” The only time I want to hear a guy say the word “fashion” is when he’s talking about the latest Victoria Secret catalog or something along those lines. Otherwise, that word is stricken from the vocab. The “talking with their hands” comment hits a little too close to home though. can’t agree with that.
THIS IS HILARIOUS! Glad my office door is closed - boss would wonder what the hell’s so funny. Great job!
guys who pop the collar
guys who wear their phone on their belt
guys who wear their class ring; still
and the best reason to revoke balls….
shaving any part of your body other than your face or neck.
BALLS
Amen brother!
Oh my god, those are flipping hilarious. Would love to see your list for women.
FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i sing in the car and have piercings . . . . NOOOOOOOO!!!
Have you ever had a caramel macchiato? They are awesome! They are not coffee though…I would categorize them as dessert. Gotta check my profile now and make sure any pics of me wearing a pink shirt and diamond stud are deleted
MANDALS! They are the gayest of gay.
“Steak.. Beer… Check please.”
Hahahahahaha, awesome.