Global Air Conditioning

As everyone knows I am filled with el brilliante ideas. Well today I figured out how to save the whole frickin planet. I am a truly a mortal among men.

There are 3 main problems facing Earth today (besides the French)

1. Global Warming
2. Ozone shit
3. Not enough Taco Bell’s

Most hippies would have you believe that global warming is even more real than Big Foot’s G-Spot. However if you’ve ever been in Michigan in February you’d agree that the world isn’t yet warm enough. I for one am all for melting the polar ice caps to fill my swimming pool but alas we visionaries are in the minority.

One day when global warming IS real they can put my solution in place. Here’s how it will work.

Figure 1A

1. Stop the Earth from warming up by building a pollution chimney into space. Just like the fan above your oven…except instead of going to your roof, it goes into the vastness of not shit. Or just nuke China…either or. Every time I see a global warming piece on TV it shows some Asian country with a shitty bus pouring out black smoke. I figure if we off China the rest of Asia will fall into line and start using all those bikes they claim to have. If this doesn’t work then we just build a big chimney over every country that’s fuckin shit up – us included. The chimneys would be pointed at the Sun…and who really cares about that.
2. Cool off the Earth by building a cooling duct from space. Everyone knows that space is so cold that even ice would instantly freeze. Bring a little of that cool air my way buster! With a little work we could have global air conditioning all year long! From this day forward I will suffer sweaty ball sack no more, forever.
3. Encourage Mexicans to apply for citizenship under the “Work at T-Bell” clause in the Constitution. If you told Jesus he could live in the US and continue to worship burritos he’d think he was in heaven….especially since he’s Jesus.

Also I think we should go with the stainless steel Earth hood because it’s easy to clean.