Never in my 30 years have I come across someone so unworthy of the fame and fortune I deserve. What’s so ingenious about a guy who tells abused women to leave, and for drug users to go to re-hab? Isn’t that what they are supposed to do? Why is the fucker so fucking famous for telling people the most basic and obvious forms of advice? I have a theory that he just surrounds himself with the dumbest of people so he can shine like a pretty penny. Does he have real insight? Let’s look at the Doctors “Dos and Don’ts of dating.”
DO
(1) Do make sure you are listening as well as speaking. Ask him questions and pay attention to his answers. Then wait for him to ask you something before you launch into your stories.
Really? And here I always thought the key to any good conversation was long rants about shopping and interrupting as much as humanly possible.
(2) Do smile when you greet him and laugh at his jokes. This will make him feel like you are both having a good time.
See, the advice I would have given here is to appear bored and every time he tells a joke say, “Is that supposed to be funny?”
(3) Do maintain good eye contact. Looking him in the eye will heighten the attraction.
NO- Stare obviously at other men while biting your lower lip.
(4) Do use filler questions when there is a lull in the conversation. This will avoid awkward silences and make him feel you are really interested in what he has to say.
WRONG!!! The best way to handle these situations is to yawn without covering your mouth and look at your watch.
(5) Do BE SAFE. Keep your date in a public place until you know him a bit better.
I totally disagree here. Invite him to your house, while wearing a silk nighty, and poke holes in every condum in the house.
DON’T
(1) Don’t get drunk. Youll lose prospective and start making bad judgements.
Then how the fuck do you expect her to laugh at this guys jokes?
(2) Don’t neglet your grooming and pre date prep work. Just because you don’t think he is the man of your dreams right away doesn’t mean he can’t sweep you off your feet. And when he does, the last thing you want to be thinking is, “Darn, I wish I had worn something nicer.”
And here I thought that ignoring that huge zit on your forehead, wearing a sweat suit, and skipping the deoderant for the evening was a sure fire way to oral sex.
(3) Don’t reveal too much personal information. Keeep the conversation positive and light. Really?
Most men find stories of how you got herpes when you were 14 extremely entertaining.
(4) Don’t go on about your ex. He’ll think you are not over him.
No, talk about your ex! While you are at it. Go on and on about how you desperately need to get married quick so the unborn child in your stomach will have a father since your ex dumped you.
(5) Don’t be late. You dont want to start off by annoying your date.
All along I thought being late was the cornerstone to any good job or relationship. I guess that why I never understand movies since I always show up 30 minutes late.
My real answers to Dr. Phils “Dos and Don’ts” of dating… NO SHIT! All he is doing is dumping simple information off to simple people and the world calls him a genius for it. He is not even a doctor!
The other part? LOOK AT HIM!!! How in the world could this former extra from Revenge of the Nerds know the first thing about dating when I know for a fact that when he was in college, he couldn’t get laid if he was a fucking egg.
The only reason this guy is famous is because Oprah loves him. Let me tell you this: If I showed up on Oprah’s show wearing Paris Hiltons’ dead dog as a hat, while grabbing my balls, and smoking a cigar and she liked me… I’d be America’s sweetheart too. She could turn a pile of elephant shit into gold and that’s what she did with this fucker.
Phil, you are an over rated fuckbag and you have made millions by giving stupid people the advice of common sense. If I, Super Jabs, saw you on the street I would slap you so hard that you would start growing hair again. I make more sense than you do asswipe…but I can say fuck.
And oh yeah, Fuck Jenna Jameson.
Don’t get me wrong here. I have nothing against Jenna Jameson…. I just want to fuck her. Here’s the thing ladies. I have been wronged by “woman” as a whole. I am a single Dad taking care of a little girl with no mother in sight. “Woman” has really stuck it to Jabs. Now I am getting over it, but I think its high time one of you stepped up big to make ammends. I nominate Jenna Jameson. Why?
- She is a famous person who might actually do it
- She is on myspace and posts blogs
- We live in the same town
- She has really big boobs
Want to help? I will tell you how soon.
Tags: Dr. Phil, Jenna Jameson, Oprah, Paris Hilton, Super JabsLike this post? Buy me a beer.
