In the shower this morning (that’s where I do my best thinking) I was reflecting back on the little games we all play when “dating.” I put that in quotes b/c dating really just boils down to deciding who to fuck. Even though I’m swearing off the Y Chromosome, I can still think about it in the shower… when I’m soapy… wait! Back to the point. I think this issue needs to be revisited.

Everyone says they don’t like games or game-players but sex games are needed! It is how the world works. You don’t want to just have sex with every person you meet until you find someone you like. Who has the time or energy for that. You develop the things that help you judge before even taking the clothes off whether you think that person will be fun in the sack. Dancing and kissing are 2 very good indicators. Some compare attitudes in dating like whether the guy should pay for dates or if going dutch is acceptable. We all have opinions on this… someone’s opinion on a matter as innocent as this tells you a lot about whether they could be compatible with you in the bedroom.

Friends of mine have even told me that there are actually guys out there who don’t go down!!! One used to see a guy who is sweet, hawt, and the sex was great. There was just one HUGE problem. He never licked the kitty. He had plenty of opportunities, but never licked it. She never asked him to, but who the hell wants to have to ask for it??? They lost touch for a little while but all of a sudden he started messaging her again. She didn’t go out with him again. At the time, I told her not to waste anymore time. I told her, “The next time he messages you, just lay it out. Ask him, ’so are you gonna lick it or what? b/c I’m not interested otherwise.’” Of course we cracked up b/c that’s something I would say… actually I wouldn’t have sexed him so many times without it, but that’s beside the point. The game is the “Meh.” He wants the sex, she wants the sex, but why get the sex from an uptight lay when you can get it from someone who loves to dive in? She gave him the “meh.” She stopped caring one way or the other. And then he really wanted it.

There are other games… We all love to discuss sex. Finding or getting some “douglas” was a huge topic of conversation at my neighborhood pool last summer. Everyone loves Douglas! Why do you think Douglas is taking up so much space in my blog? I always have Douglas on the brain. Douglas = head. That’s right. We can’t sit at the pool with strangers and sometimes children around and discuss getting the pussy or the caack licked. We just talk about getting Douglas. (Props to my hilarious former neighbor Chad for the term) One weekend last summer, a game was proposed. I was told I would forever have PIMP status if I could go on the date I had planned for Saturday evening and get me some douglas without reciprocating… without even having sex. Just get the douglas, say thanks, and then find some reason to leave. I was up for the challenge. I know I could pull that off if I could just control myself. My problem is that I love giving the douglas and I love the sex way too much. I would really have to be in control of myself to do this. An even bigger problem is just how fucked up I got with them at the pool that day. I couldn’t get ready, much less drive to where the date was. Fuck. I canceled and passed out. I didn’t even go out that night. I’ll have to try again… but on a day when I’m not as um… happy?

All of this just to say that we all have sex games we play. I want to know what you use as indicators… physical indicators and attitudes. Hell, you could even use astrology! I for one know that the sex for me is explosive with Aries men, but I have to stay away from them. Yes, I know I’m a freak for even believing in that stuff but I do.

I want to know the sex games you play.

Women: In your opinion, do these games work?

Written by Kat FUCKING HATES ALLSTATE!!!