HOLLYWOOD - Actor and professional bad decision maker Ryan Phillippe let loose a cry of anguish, shame and regret heard as far away as Spain when his ex-wife, Reese Witherspoon, hit the red carpet last night at the 79th Annual Academy Awards. A svelte Witherspoon arrived in a strapless Nina Ricci dress that caused enough hard-ons to prevent the majority of male attendees from standing for long periods of the awards show.

Songstress Melissa Ethridge, who performed her Oscar-nominated “I Need to Wake Up” during the show, noted from stage that she would go so far as to “hit that with Rosie’s dick”.

(Editor’s note) It never fails with women though. When you are together, married, bored, and having kids, they look like this…

Then you trade them in for a different hot piece of ass then all of the sudden, they turn back into this.

If there was a dumbshit of the year award, there would be no other nominees.