I think movie critics are assholes. Every time they say a movie is bad, I like it and vice versa. I intentionally didn’t read reviews so I could hit Spiderman 3 with an open mind. Just so you know, I wanted to see this movie so bad, I went by myself, during lunch, wearing a tie. With that said, the movie needed to do very little to entertain me.

It failed.

The best thing about this movie was the nachos I ordered. I want my money back from Sony and I want God and Jesus themselves to grant me the 2 hours and 20 minutes I gave away watching this debacle back. Here is why…

The fight scenes were so fast and so choppy you couldn’t tell what was going on.

They tried to make Peter Parker look deviant by giving him a bad comb over and putting eyeliner on him. If you asked me, he looked more like a Culture Club groupie.

The plot lines were so simple, and the plot twist and the end was so predictable one would think a third grader wrote it.

The acting was fucking terrible. Thomas Hayden Church had about 6 lines the whole movie. A monkey could have played his part. Why have an actor like him, who’s strength is how well he articulates himself, not say a fucking word? Snaggletooth was awful as always, and I wonder how James Franco (Harry) has ever gotten a job in Hollywood.

I walked away from this movie wondering how a on a $500 million movie set, full of people who get paid to be creative for a living, why not one person stood up and said, “Um, does anyone else think this is lame?”

It was that bad. If you liked this movie, then all you need is a ball of yarn to entertain you.