Nobody enjoys being lied to.  It is not exactly a secret that lies cause hurt feelings and destroy trust, but let’s for a moment think of the even greater damage that your lies inflict.

We women have to constantly rely on our gut to warn us of danger.  When we find out that we got no warning that you were lying to us… that you were dangerous to our heart, it is like a little chip in our armor.  Your lie may not be the first or even the biggest (    ) we’ve experienced but every single lie destroys little by little our ability to trust.  We slowly stop trusting others or even hearing our own gut.

My father once told me something that I will never forget.  When I asked him why he and mom don’t ever have loud arguments, he said that they wait until they’ve both cooled down before discussing a difference of opinion that may cause an argument.  They don’t want to say hurtful things in the heat of the moment that they may later regret.

“You may forgive someone for hurting you, but you will never forget.”

This is even more true with lies.  I can’t even count the number of lies that men have told me over the years… but I remember them all.  I try not to let one man’s lies affect how I am with a different man but I’m human.  I’ve learned things from every man I’ve been involved with.  A lot of those things are good and have helped me to grow.  All of those good things, however, are overshadowed by the one thing the men all have in common… the lies.  I used to drive myself crazy trying to figure out what makes them lie… trying to show them they don’t need to lie to me. 

I finally gave up.

It’s useless.  The only thing that helped me do is be able to predict when he/they were going to lie to me again and about what.  That’s helpful up until I get rocked by a new and even more devestating lie I didn’t see coming.

Later I jokingly came up with the one reason that explains all of it so that I could stop wasting my time stressing over why.  Men are FUCKED.  It’s a fact.  Even joking about it can’t stop the more insidious truth from settling in.  This is the one thing my subconscious has been trying to convince me for a long time.  This idea really hurts my optimism… damages my hope for good things.  This has really tried to drag me into a depression that even happy pills can’t cope with.

I cannot trust men. 

There, I said it.  I have lost the ability to trust anyone with a Y chromosome.  I feel sorry for any man that wants the chance to date me.  I can be very hostile when I think I’m being lied to and I am quick to run away when I think I may be hurt.  Wow, this is a downer.  Let’s change to the more general message I was looking to convey, shall we?

Men, you all have mothers… sisters, aunts, grandmothers, or female friends you care about.  Some of you even have daughters you would like to protect.  You would not like for the women in your life to be hurt.  Think about this.  Everytime you lie even about little things, you cause a woman to stop trusting you.  Everytime you lie, you contribute to a woman’s doubt that you even care about her.  Everytime you lie, you push a woman that much closer to giving up.  With each lie, you create a woman who is cold… untrusting… unfeeling… who refuses to let her guard down.  With each lie you create a woman who feels the need to run background checks on anyone she considers dating… who pushes away anyone who might be able to hurt her if she lets herself care. 

With each lie, you create a woman no man can get to… a woman no man can truly know…

I decided to take a “Play Day” off from work since I hadn’t gotten laid in a little while… I went to pick up the guy I was f**king (I have wonderful taste in men… no drivers license) and I was dressed in a super short skirt, stripper heels, button-down white shirt, & black-framed glasses. I went through a car wash and we had some fun before heading to a local sex shop.

The first one we went to turned out to be more of a head shop and didn’t have any porn so I just bought him a pipe he wanted but they were having trouble with their credit card machine so it took a while to get out of there. We went to another shop and I got around $300 in toys and porn (I know, I know). He was driving while I opened some of the items and then there were those pesky blue lights…

He pulled over and of course couldn’t give her a license so she was asking about my car and whether I had insurance when all of a sudden another cop was by my window and started asking me about drugs. He asked me to get out of the car and that was when I noticed 4 more cop cars and one K-9 unit! He was telling me that I better tell him if there was anything in the car or I would go to jail… while I was watching them search Lucifer (not his real name) and put him in the back of the cop car.

The cop told me that a female officer would come over to search me and I was thinking, “Oh no, I don’t have any underwear on!” I was also stressing that it was around 1:00pm on a weekday and I was standing with cops by the side of a VERY busy road dressed like a stripper and someone from my company could drive by. The cop I was talking to said that they had been watching the head shop for drug activity and my car was there for a very long time. He said that Lucifer gave them permission to search my car but they needed mine. I gave it.

Ladies, it really doesn’t matter that he used to work so hard and you know he’s capable of really incredible things. If he is sitting around mooching off of you, he will not get off his ass for you. Boot him.

Ladies, it really doesn’t matter if you think the drugs or the alcohol make him do these awful things. You cannot fix him. If you try, he will bring you down, step on you, and destroy you just so he can stay afloat.

Ladies, it really doesn’t matter if you’ve been conditioned to believe that wanting a guy who takes care of himself and has a nice body is shallow. You want what you want. You are attracted to certain types. Don’t feel guilty about it.

Ladies, it really doesn’t matter that you have no proof. Life is not a court of law. If you know in your heart that he is cheating, don’t worry about proof. You know it’s happening. Get out.

Ladies, it really doesn’t matter that he has not given you any outward reason to be scared. If your gut tells you he is dangerous to you, listen to it. Run if your gut tells you to run and don’t question it.

Ladies, it really doesn’t matter if he seems so sorry that he hit you. GET OUT!! Even one time is unacceptable. You are better off alone than with some piece of shit that will hit you.

Ladies, it really doesn’t matter if he says the reason he doesn’t try to see you is because you remind him of the good things about his ex and he’s scared it would be too easy to get seriously involved with you. You are not his ex. You are a completely different person with wonderful qualities of your own. If he does not want to get to know you for who you are and does not make time to see you, then he really doesn’t want you.

Ladies, it really doesn’t matter if he says that he loves you so much. There are people in this world who are not capable of loving others the way you love or the way you deserve to be loved. It is a fact and there is no changing that. He may think he loves you but if you do not feel loved, then get out.

Ladies, it really doesn’t matter what he says when you ask why he doesn’t take you out around his friends. If he doesn’t want to show you off to his friends, then you are a secret. Secrets are things to be ashamed of. Do you really want to stick around to be something he’s ashamed of? Aren’t you worth more than that?

Ladies, it really doesn’t matter if the good times are sooooo good. If the bad times happen more often, then it’s not worth it. If you spend more time being unhappy, get out.

Ladies, it really doesn’t matter if you are scared of getting hurt again. “Have enough courage to trust Love one more time. And always one more time.” ~Maya Angelou

Ladies, it really doesn’t matter what other think or say. The people who love you only have your best interests at heart but you have to make your own decisions… your own mistakes. Don’t always go only with your head or only with your heart… when they agree, you know you are safe… when they agree, you’ve found something special.

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