I had to write this blog.  Between Digg.com and TheSuperJabs.com, there were over 800 comments to Part I of this blog.  Some called me an asshole.  Some agreed whole-heartedly.  Pour yourself a glass of wine, sit back, and let me continue on.

I don’t believe marriage is an equal opportunity institution because men are at the whim of the women they marry if their wives decide they want to get divorced .  I do believe women are given the upperhand.  Not ALL the time - but most of the time.  It shows you what a good lawyer and a chip on the shoulder can accomplish.  I am not promoting this, but it exists…. sadly. 

Yes - there is another side to this story.  Marriage can be a very good thing.  It’s well known that in long term marriages, when one spouse dies - the other follows shortly after within a three year period, and seemingly moreso within the first year.  Do I think that is sweet and wish my life to play out the same way?  Hell yes I do.  But I’m also a realist.  At 32 years old, I’ve seen marriages end in the first year and marriages end after 30 years.  Sadly, I see it more today than ever.  It makes me think and I’m sharing my thoughts here.

Last blog, I introduced you to Steve, Barry, and Nancy, all of whom got fucked over by either divorce or the insane reactions to that bullshit feeling referred to as love.  Steve is a good friend of mine, and though I stated he would never win husband of the year award, I had the privilege of reading the affidavit his ex-wife-to-be filed with her divorce suit.  I was privy to many intimate details of their marriage, and sat with him at 2am on weekends in the parking lot of bars he had followed her to after finding out she was cheating on him and bringing the guy home to the house he had scrimped and saved for years to finally purchase.  The affidavit that was filed was filled with lie after lie about Steve’s relationship to her.  She never took responsibility for her infidelities, and went so far as to lie about Steve being the unfaithful one.  It made my blood boil - so much so that his attorney took my sworn statement in the case as part of Steve’s defense.

Steve is not alone.

SITUATION 4:
Dave is 50 years old.  Dave worked for an investment firm that made a killing on the sale of bonds after rates fell post 9/11.  He decided to build his dream house, about 150 yards from the water, on the North Shore of Long Island.  Dave has 3 kids who range in age from 14 to 23.  The oldest actually got married recently and is an officer in the Navy deployed to sea.  Dave’s wife left him during the homebuilding process, even though he had just bought her a brand new Cadillac Escalade.  Lucky him.  She sued for alimony and child support.  The lawyers got involved and ate up all of the money that was supposed to go towards building his waterfront dream home.  His greedy wife didn’t really give a fuck though - because this was about HER.  She didn’t care that the only people making out on the deal were the lawyers.  She milked her husband for all he was worth in the course of the 3 year court battle.

But here’s the kicker:  Dave’s exwife went to court this year, two years after the finalization of the divorce - and somehow, through the aid of her attorney again, got the court to agree to an increase in child support.  Now one of Dave’s children got MARRIED last year so he shouldn’t be paying for him at all, but instead, the court agreed to the increase and he has now gone in to debt over $35,000 because of his exwife’s greed.

Does she care?  NO.  She watches Desperate Housewives routinely and has her “sense of entitlement” going for her.  She feels completely validated in her mode of operation. 

CONCLUSION:  DAVE GOT ROYALLY FUCKED OUT OF EVERYTHING A MAN DREAMS HE CAN ATTAIN BY HIS 50TH BIRTHDAY.

Dave lives now in a one bedroom condo.  All he wishes is he had $10,000 to his name so he could buy a used Harley Davidson Road King and get the fuck out of here.

SITUATION 5:
Here’s a short one.  Larry lived modestly with his wife for 25 years.  The kids move out two years ago and went off to college.  His 3 bedroom in house appreciated nicely and left him with about $200,000 in equity.  But then his wife decided that the kids are gone - time to move on.  She was never really happy anyway.  She stayed for the kids.  She filed for divorce.  She moved in to a 900 square foot apartment that coincidentally is about 150 yards from the water - a few miles down the road from where Dave’s house was supposed to be built.  She really likes the place though, so much so that she’s paying $1600 a month for it.  Location, location, location.  She deserves it, right?  Larry doesn’t pay her monthly, but now he rents a house too because he couldn’t afford to buy her out.  Another guy, fifty years old - who sulks in his own misery.  His wife rejected him completely.  His health has gone down the drain.  I don’t expect him to live too much longer - that’s how bad it is.  Everything he worked for, and the woman he loved - just decided to up and leave one day.  What recourse does he have?  None.

CONCLUSION: LARRY GOT FUCKED.

SITUATION 6:
Bill is a West Point graduate.  For those who do not know, West Point is one of the most prestigious schools in this country, and the leading undergraduate program that trains young men and women to become officers in the US Army.  The only school that really kicks it’s ass repeatedly is The United States Naval Academy in Annapolis, MD (BEAT ARMY!) - but that’s another blog altogether.  Bill has three kids.  Bill, though again not husband of the year - could win father of the year because he’ll do anything for his kids.  He coaches his son’s football and lacrosse teams, and he spends a tremendous amount of time with them.  Unfortunately, Bill got divorced a few years ago - and it was not a good divorce, but he and his ex are amicable.  He’s gone through some problems with income.  Luckily, he had left the military, worked on Wall Street, made some good money and had a beautiful home on the water.  It appreciated in value tremendously and when he sold it for the divorce, his wife was able to take her share and buy a more modest house without even taking a mortgage.  Bill also had a 40 foot boat that had depreciated in value too much to sell - but he still owed a great deal of money on it.  So he took his stuff and moved on to it.  He lives on a 40 foot Sea Ray.  He’s 6′2″.  It might sound like fun the first night…. but it gets old quick. 

Well these are side stories.  The real story came recently when Bill met another woman.  She was about 10 years younger than him.  They fooled around and guess what?  She got pregnant.  She also decided, right around the same time as getting pregnant, that she didn’t want Bill in her life.  BUT- she did want the baby.  And Bill was going to pay for it.  Bill had a son about a year ago.  Bill has NEVER met this son.  The woman went to court, filed a restraining order against him, and filed a paternity suit as well.  Bill has to pay her more than he pays for his other three kids.  It’s almost $2000 a month… for a kid he has never even met and can’t even see.  Bill has shared with me some of the “voicemails” his exgirlfriend has left for him.  He plays these for me from his cell phone.  He doesn’t even put it on speakerphone and I can hear her screaming from across a table.  “YOU MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT ASSHOLE” is a common phrase.  His relationship with her in which she got pregnant and decided without his help that she would keep the baby and he would pay for it…. well it was 10 weeks long.  The first trimester of her evil pregnancy was longer.

But Bill will pay for it the next 18 years.  Talk about a whore - Bill and I did the math and we equated it to about $17,000 for each time she had sex with him - and $5,000 each for the blowjobs.

CONCLUSION:  BILL GOT FUCKED

Now that story really has nothing to with why marriage sucks, but it leads me to my last situation.  This guy, in my book, has gotten fucked over more than anyone else.

SITUATION 7:
Bob is a good looking guy with a good head on his shoulders.  He has three kids ranging ages 6 to 12 and has been married for 13 years.  He is still married.  There has been no courts, lawyers, arbitration, or moderators.  Just lots and lots of marriage counseling.  What was the common problem that kept him and his wife going back to marriage counseling?  There were a lot of issues, but one predominant one was the lack of sexual chemistry.  Bob would like to have sex three or four times a week.  Bob’s wife is more of a once a month type gal.  She’s not real keen on sex when she’s not in the mood.  Bob has resolved to masturbating as much as when he was in high school.  It has created resentment - so he tries every now and then to compensate by asking his wife for blowjobs, hoping that the two minutes of ecstasy will be a task she might not mind.  Well talk about rejection, Bob can’t even get head.  He did get head back in the day - we’ll call it the “period of courtship”.  Yup.  While his wife was wooing him, blowjobs were frequent.  But since they’ve been married, it’s been a battle.  Sex 12 times a year and maybe a blowjob on his birthday.  Finally, in frustration, Bob started to beg for a little attention.  His wife politely rejected him for months on end until she finally got sick of being asked.  Her response was:

“WE’VE BEEN MARRIED FOR TEN YEARS AND I DON’T LIKE SUCKING YOUR DICK.  STOP ASKING, IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.  GET OVER IT.”

Well Bob was heartbroken.  He didn’t even know what to say at first - but he loves his wife and she supposedly loves him and he would never want to make her do something she hates to do.  So he asked the only logical question:

“Hun, since you don’t want to do that for me ever again, is it OK if I get blowjobs from someone else?”

Now he was open and honest when he asked this question sincerely from his heart.  He truly felt that if she loved him, but hated giving head, she would never deny him the pleasure of oral sex again in his life by having someone else who might not hate it do it for him.  Well his wife flipped.

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?  ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?  YOU WOULD LET SOMEONE ELSE SUCK YOUR DICK.  FUCK YOU BOB.  FUCK YOU.  YOU WANT A BLOWJOB THAT BAD, YOU CAN DIVORCE ME AND GET ALL THE BLOWJOBS YOU WANT.”

She stood her ground, showing that Bob has two options. He can get divorced and pay his wife, probably move out of the house and back in with his parents since he can’t afford a place on his own, and possibly find some type of sexually gratifying relationship….. OR he can continue to live by his wife’s rules of sacrifice and be miserable and sexually frustrated the rest of his life.  This is a tough one, and although it’s not always sex, you can replace that for money, decision-making abilities, etc….. and come to the following:

CONCLUSION: BOB NEEDS TO GET FUCKED.

I mentioned at the end of Part I that maybe we need to apply the Golden Rule when treating others in relationships.  I still think this holds true.  For those of you that aren’t familiar, the Golden Rule is derived from the New Testament and states “Do unto others as you would like to be treated yourself”.  It takes in to consideration that most people are not masochists.  I brought up a Gene Simmons/Shannon Tweed type relationship for the simple reason that I think marriage presents stigmas to the participants.  I realize the common-law marriage exists, but I think there is some benefit to not taking on the “ownership” of another person that some people seem to feel marriage entitles them to.  Yeah, I’m referring to the overly possessive out there. 

I realize pre-nups are some type of defense to this, but supposedly a good lawyer can shoot holes through even the best pre-nuptial agreement.  Though it is a line of defense, I think there has got to be something else that can be done.  My argument is, to reiterate again, that women have too much power within the court system that divorce benefits them all too much a majority of the time.  A woman can decide to get a divorce 1 month in to a relationship or 30 years in to a relationship and there is little or no repercussion.  They can cite infidelity or irreconciable differences, but that’s a moot point really.  The problem is the power is in their hands and the benefit is in their hands.  There is no accountability on their part.  I think that if a woman wants to divorce a man, and the man contests the divorce because it was a one-side decision and essentially a breach of contract - then the man should not have to pay out the ass.  That’s my attempt at starting to find a solution to this problem.

My goal is not to leave a lot of old maids out there.  My goal is to fix a problem with the system that has inherently left men….. as this blog has made clear….. FUCKED!

Do you agree?  What sensible solutions can you offer to this problem?

I see it all around me. Miserable, unhappy people who didn’t fall victim to anything but their own poor stereotypes and unreal expectations in others. The one thing though they all have in common is they took the plunge…. and got married.

Marriage sucks. That’s what the popular consensus is - or maybe it’s my problem that I have surrounded myself with thirtysomething’s with negative attitudes. Sure - they exist - happy married people that is; but for the most part the view of marriage by those who are in it is something akin to a prison sentence. Think about it! 70% of marriages in this country end in divorce. I am fairly certain now that the other 30% must involve a literal prison sentence (Scott Peterson) or a nasty pile-up on the interstate/September 11th type event that leaves a lot of people filling out Social Security forms with the box marked “Widowed”.

What is your experience/views of marriage?

The events of Monday have been weighing down on me this entire week, and I feel I need to vent. Everyone knows the story. 32 dead innocent people ranging in age from 18 to 75. People with families, brothers, sisters, children, parents, wives, husbands who were probably doing the simplest and safest of activities possible when their lives were abruptly ended by a 23 year old professional piece of shit who we’ll call Cho.

So in summary, 2007 World’s Biggest Pussy Award goes to Cho Seung Hui. You proved very simply that you cannot handle the difficulties that life throws at people. You proved that when a roadblock got in the way of your goals, you always chose the easy way out. You killed your dad whether he knows it now or not - no man can live with that much guilt. Way to go again asshole. You proved to be a bigger piece of shit than even the kid who spit on you in high school thought you were. Some legacy dickhead.And guess what - you did it all while taking 32 people with you. 32 people who were achieving greatness. 32 people who didn’t take the easy way out. 32 people who kept going instead of caving in when times were tough.May you rot in hell while being ritually sodomized with a large cheese grater while getting endless blowjobs from a school of piranhas. Here’s Cho in full blown piece of shit biggest pussy glory

(minus scissors)

Apparently Jessica Simpson, already bored with her five month relationship to the formerly 16 year old Mayer - has begun to delve heavily in to role-playing to keep the relationship exciting. In the fifth of a series of requests, she asked Mayer to dress up as her favorite movie character:

Eventually realizing people could get hurt from the 18-inch long “scissorhands”, Simpson retired them to the trunk of their limo. It is estimated she paid $88,000 for the custom crafted deluxe pruners that were purchased through the popular name brand gardening tool and scissor making company Fiskars. Jessica was also quoted as saying “I made him take the scissors off in case we decided to role-play Billy Bob and Angelina in the back of the limo before we got to the show. It might have hurt if he kept them on.”

Jessica, it not only would have hurt…. it would have been a scene from the movie Seven.