I love Boobies. Don’t we all?
Even Gay Men like them.

If you’re a guy and you’ve never had the pleasure of Shooting Rockets of Cum after a good Titty Fuck, well then you really don’t know what you’re missing.

But the Big-Breasted Beauties never tell you the hardships…
the Trials and Tribulations of having Large Melons.

First off, you can’t run.
Anywhere.

If you do, you have to run with your arms crossed in front of your chest like an Asshole.

When you lean the wrong way on the couch, sometimes a Boob will actually pop you in the chin. Yes, it’s true!

My own Tits have smacked me in my own face a time… or twelve.

They are heavy.

and you can’t jump up and down on the bed because you’re likely to knock yourself into a coma.

All of your sexual partners must be Risk Takers
and sign a form releasing you of all Legal Liability in case of an accident.

Well, with her on top bouncing away, his temple could catch a hard hit from those swinging sandbags… then what?

~a day in the life of a Double Dee~

There are some situations in life in which you absolutely can’t win. Once you are in the situation whatever route you take, you are coming out badly. Now we have all been in these situations before, and we all second guess the choices we have made. But when option A and option B suck it, becomes determining the lesser of 2 evils.

So today I am putting you in a few unique situations and I am going to give you two options to choose from. Yeah, its like a quiz/game. There are no right answers only the lesser of 2 evils.

Make your answers. At the way bottom of this blog I am going to put what my answers are, but I want you to come up with yours first. Don’t be a cheater. Here we go.

Karaoke: Ok. The thing about singing karaoke is that no matter what you do with it. You are a dork. If you go up there and sing like shit, you are retarded. If you go up there and sing the song perfectly, you are a fucking cheeseball.

Its a lose/lose. What do you do?

(A) Sing badly and look like a shamelss tard?

(B) Sing good and look like David Hasselhoff?

Calling for the first time: After you get someones number

comes the universal debate: When do you call?

If you call to early, you are desperate. If you call to late you are a player or being to hard to get. So what the fuck do you do? Its human nature for one person to assume that the other is doing the wrong thing. So

Its a lose/lose

(A) Play it cool and wait making the person you are calling feel unimportant

(B) Call right way and appear to be totally desperate?

Confessing your numbers:

Its natural to want to know how many people your significant other had been with before you when ever you start a relationship. Now, the problem is…There is no good answer to this question.

If your number is too big they will think you are easy or diseased and if the number is too small they will think you are too sexually inexperienced or undesirable. No one ever thinks, Hey, shes been with 40 guys! Sweet, she probably fucks like a pro. No All a guy thinks about is how many different kinds of sauce have been in the pot. So what the fuck do you do?

It’s a lose/lose

(A) Say a big number so they think you have numerous STDs

(B) Say a small number so they think you are a sexual retard.

Tipping the Bathroom Attendant:

What the fuck is this

guy doing in the bathroom?

Fuck! You have to tip the valet, waitress, and bartender. Now you have to drop a buck in a jar just to take a piss? FUCK! Now you can pay, but you and I know it pisses you off to do so. Or, you can not pay and every time you walk in that bathroom, you’ll feel like a cheapskate.

It’s a lose/lose

(A) You can spend your hard earned cash so some douche bag can save you the effort of grabbing a paper towel

(B) Not pay and look like a cheapskate

Spooning:

It’s something that signifies that you are crazy about the person you are with after sex. The problem…You can’t sleep for shit during it.

The guys arm inside arm gets crushed up and falls asleep, and the girl gets tired of having the guys weight all over her, and it gets hot. But if you don’t…you were just there to fuck.

Its a lose/lose

(A) You can spoon and have a horrible nights sleep resenting the person you are with

(B) Sleep on your own so the person you are with ends up resenting you.

What are your answers?

Like this post? Buy me a beer.

Pillow Fight Results In A Grown Man Crying - The most popular videos are a click away

I think only women should pillow fight…

Women wearing nothing but a Victoria’s Secret or Jello.

Why?

Well… because.

But also, looks what happens when guys pillow fight.

One ends up acting like a chick anyway.

(balls)

Over dinner with some friends on Saturday night, a friend blurted out “Last week I finally got together with this guy I’ve been lusting after for a month! He stayed over the entire night!!! We were both completely trashed!”

“Oooo”… said my other friend… “How hot was the sex?”

“It was the best sex I’ve had in a long, long time!” “Here. Let me show you a picture of him!”

My friend went in her purse and pulled out her digital camera. She proceeded to show us pictures of this guy during their date. I immediately saw a few things that raised a red-flag.

I noticed that they and some of their friends were so wasted that every picture was out of focus! In one she looked like she was about to pass out at the bar and he looked like he was being held up by a friend! In another they were kissing… well… somewhat! It looked like they tried to, but it seemed as though they missed each other’s mouths… by a long shot!

I asked her, “If you were so wasted, and can’t remember details from your get together last week… How are you so sure the sex that followed really rocked? According to you it was amazing. But you were drunk… so how do you know for sure?”

How does anyone who’s ever gotten wasted and said the sex was great really know that it was in fact a mind blowing experience? How do you know he didn’t come in 2 minutes or didn’t even get that hard to begin with? How do you know that you didn’t have a little quiver rather than a full out orgasm? How does anyone who has drunken sex know that all that great sex is not just in their minds?

Okay now… here we go I thought. I was berated with the barage of affirmations that the sex was in fact good. That she remembered that it was. She was positive!!!

So then I pondered some more… If she could recall that part of the night well, then do all the people who have sex while drunk remember their experiences just as well?

Think about it for a minute. If the sex sobers you up enough to enjoy a naughty romp, then doesn’t that mean that all those people who cheat on their significant others and blame their mistake on alcohol are lying? What about those that claim they can’t remember a thing? “It just happened!!!” Yeah… okay. If you say so but I’m not so sure I’m really convinced by that argument anymore.

I can understand if your inhibitions are lowered but that’s just temptation at its finest. You can say that you were in the moment when you started “coming” around… literally… but if that’s the case, you wouldn’t have been performing to the point where lovers are claiming you were a fantastic lay!!! At best they’d only be able to say… It was the best it could be considering he was seeing two of me and was making it with my imaginary self most of the night!!!

See what I mean?

So what does all this mean? I don’t know really. Except I’m a lightweight drinker and already had one drink too many so I suppose while under the influence, I was feeling a little philosophic!!!

Either way, I don’t want to rain on anyone’s parade! You never know, perhaps there is some logic to the great drunken sex memory. If I can be this creative tipsy… Imagine what I’d be able to accomplish, drunk, with my husband in front of me!!! Mmmmm… the possibilities are endless and there’s only one way to find out if my theory is true or not!!! I’ll catch all you sexy readers later!!!

XOXO

Pura

*THE DISCUSSION IS OPEN*

I was at this hippie bar in Milwaukee wearing a tie. It was funny, because in a sea of people “trying to be different” I am the one who really stood out as an individual. She walked up to me and said, “Hi”. She was adorable and very drunk. After about a half hour of talking and lots of drinking I asked how old she was and she said, “Shhhh. I’m 19, how old are you?” Stunned I said, “Old. I am 28.” To which she responded, “That’s ok, my parents are nine years apart.” Score.

We got back to her place and had some of the most horrible, drunken sex ever. We both passed out and I woke up an hour later needing to pee in the worst way. I walked out of her room wearing nothing but a pair of dress socks into the darkest house ever created. I couldn’t see my hand if I fully extended it away from my body. So I gingerly walked down the stairs where there was more light. There was no bathroom down there… But there was the kitchen sink.

Once I got to the sink I quickly realized it was too high for Jabs Jr. (my dick) to reach, but there was a really big coffee mug right on the counter. So I filled the mug and poured like 3 times. Very ninja like don’t you think? Not so fast. I went back up stairs and heard voices coming out this girls room. One of the voices was a dude. What the fuck? I was downstairs for like 4 minutes. How did some guy get up here, pass me, and start a conversation with her so fast? Being the Jabs that I am I swung the door wide open. It was the wrong room. Jabs Jr. and I said, “Hi!” and shut the door. Not very ninja like.

I had just broken up with my girlfriend. I was getting wrecked when some business class douchebag in a silk shirt kept trying to muscle his way past me. I gave him a good little shove and he wanted to fight because of it. My friends tried to calm the situation by buying the guy a drink which worked until the bar closed. As I was walking out he just started begging me to fight him. Seriously, he must have asked me like 12 times. So finally I said, “Fine, lets go.” We get outside and there are cops everywhere. I looked at him and said, “What do you want to do sailor? Because I am not going to jail for kicking the shit out of you.” He pointed out an outdoor strip mall around the corner and started walking to it. Once he got there he turned to me and said, “So is this a good sp-“

WHACK!

I unloaded a massive right into the guy’s nose making it gush blood and sending his glasses flying. I am a ninja right? Not so fast.

The punch immediately broke my hand (for the 4th time) and my drunken ass swung so hard that my momentum threw me forward, off of my feet, sending me head first into a concrete planter. The guy never laid a finger on me, and I had a broken hand and a lump on my cranium the size of Neptune.

I know you have done something stupid that wasn’t so ninja like. What was it?

I don’t watch Saturday Night Live anymore. I guess the reason why is because every time they do something funny, its big news. I remember when there was funny shit on that show every weekend.

With that said… this stuff with Peyton Manning of the Indianapolis Colts is fucking hysterical.

What did you like from the old SNL Days?

Have you ever noticed how every time you see a candid picture of a celebrity they look miserable? Why is that? I know that they are constantly followed and constantly pressured, but how is that different from having kids? I hate that they treat their popularity like such a curse. One conclusion I have come to for sure is that the characters actors play are probably cooler then the real life actors themselves. With that in mind, I am going to tell you my top ten movie characters that I want to hang out with.

5 Movie Guys I Want to Have Beers With.

Tyler Durden

Talk about the kind of guy you can do anything with. Have a beer, splice porn into kid flicks, make soap, blow up buildings, or punch him in the fucking ear. He is happy either way. Any guy who can say, “You aren’t your fucking khakis” or ask if “you want to finish her off”, is the kind of guy I would make up as an imaginary friend.

Trent from Swingers

Even I could actually learn stuff from how this guy picks up chicks. He drinks, he’s funny, and he knows all the cool places to go. Although he is totally unaware of what a douche bag he is, its also his charm. You’re so money!

Van Wilder

(balls)

Not only do I want to party with this guy, I want him to throw the party. Just imagine all the stupid reasons this guy could come up with to throw a party, and just how fucking great that party would be. This is the kind of guy who would do anything! “Write that down.”

Frank the Tank

Every group needs the crazy guy who will make a huge fool of himself while having a good time. Is there anyone better than Frank the Tank for that? Streaking, beer bongs, tranquilizer guns, KY wrestling… This guy brings the noise. “You’re crazy man. I like you, but you’re crazy.”

Indiana Fucking Jones

Imagine the kind of stories you get out of this guy while drinking. Next thing you know, you are on a plane, boat, then camel going to find the tablets Moses dropped.

5 Movie Girls I want to date

Sam from Garden State

This list easily could have been 5 Natalie Portman characters. In this movie she is funny, cute, innocent, and lovable. You dont think about banging a girl like this, you think about marrying her…well…banging her too.

Debbie from Gross Point Blank

I hadn’t even heard of Minnie Driver until this movie and was shocked when I found out she was British. In this movie she is witty, sexy, and has great taste in music. Not to mention she is the kind of girl who will have sex with you in the nurses office of your old high school.

Polly from Along Came Polly

This girl is approachable, fun, outgoing, crazy, and totally open minded. She is hot but accessible enough for the everyday guy. I mean, if shell fall in love with Ben Stiller, I got a shot. And boy, can she dance.

Sofia from Vanilla Sky

Chances are you didn’t see this movie because it was a huge pile of shit. But Sofia captures absolutely every good quality a woman has in this movie. She is cute, but sexy. She will humble you, but then make you feel like the center of her universe. She is smart, but so incredibly loving on top of that. God never made a real woman like this. Plus she gets topless in this movie and has a great rack.

Mary from There’s Something About Mary

I could go on a huge list as to why this girl is the one. I could rave about her looks, personality, etc. Instead I am going to quote one line, “Do you want to go upstairs and watch Sportscenter?” Yeah, this conversation is over.

There were so many characters that almost made my list. One I actually wrote out and deleted because I forgot one.

I want to know, which movie character would you want to hang out with
or date?