I can’t imagine what is as sexy as a well kept man, who is perfectly comfortable with his sexuality who knows how to make a woman squirm. However, there is a thin line in which a man can be too kept up, and so comfortable with his manliness, that his qualities begin to be a little bit feminine.
Do Not Wear Pink Shirts-I don’t give a shit what fashion magazine gave the thumbs up on it, but under no circumstances should a man ever wear pink. Women rarely should ever wear pink, but a man wearing pink is just a little over the top. Whenever I see a guy wearing a pink shirt, and trying to pass it off as a statement of his manly fashion, it makes me want to rip his clothes off… To wipe a baby’s ass with them.
Two men should never ever hit the john together- Seriously, we know what that means when you and your friend excuse yourselves to pee together… You’re talking shit. I like to think that men have secret codes that they throw over the tops of our heads, which is why men like dating shorter women. I mean, a raised eyebrow between two guys means much more than you want us to think that it’s intended. Anyhow, going to the bathroom together just reminds me too much of my girlfriends and I… Except with much more equipment to worry about.
No Bling- I’ve spent a lot of time picking out the jewelry that I wear… I like nice earrings, simple necklaces, a quaint watch, and maybe a bracelet every once in awhile. I like receiving jewelry as a gift, so when the object of my affection is shopping for me, I don’t expect him to be shopping for himself at the same time. What I mean by this is that guys really shouldn’t wear a ton of jewelry. I think a nice watch is sufficient, but anything other than that is rather gaudy as opposed to “bling bling.” And as far as it goes with men wearing earrings, that became douchey like 10 years ago… Get with the program.
Do Not Shop- Speaking of shopping, I kind of figure it’s a rule of thumb that if I were to ask a man if he wanted to go shopping with me, that he would just instinctively shoot me the “what are you?… fucking high?” look and go back to doing something manly like watching professional wrestling, or barbequing. If the idea of the summer clearance sale at Nordstrom’s get my boyfriend as excited as it does me, then that just makes me a little iffy about who is wearing the pants in the relationship. Perhaps I should be shopping for skirts that we both fit in, if that’s the case. On the same token, there is at no time that a man should be complimenting my shoes unless they’re stilettos that are scuffing the wall above his headboard…
Dancing- Now there is nothing wrong with being a good dancer. But if it’s a craft a guy tries to perfect, it doesn’t matter how good he is. Any guy working that hard to be a dancer can’t be taken seriously. If you don’t believe me…
Cooking. It’s cool for a guy to be into cooking every once in awhile, but the extent to which I expect him to be able to cook is mac and cheese, Raman Noodles, fried eggs, toast, and the BBQ. A guy that spends a ton of time in the kitchen is trying so hard to impress a chic, he is becoming one. If a guy doesn’t know how to work a BBQ, he’s a fucking sally. That’s so NOT my job.
Cologne is a good thing on a man… It’s down right sexy when a man smells awesome. But there’s a point in which cologne just becomes nauseating. ONE SPRAY IS ALL YOU NEED. If standing within 5 feet of you causes me to smell like you because I was downwind for a few minutes, then you really need to tone the French whoredom down a notch. Also, if the cologne cost you less than $75, don’t bother wearing it. I have a really sensitive nose, and cheapness kills my sinuses.
While we make like our men to have a bit of a senstitive side, we like them to still be men. If we wanted good smelling, bling wearing shopping buddies who can cook and look good in pink, your penis would be the only thing you are good for and I might just buy one of those.
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